Zombie's rants

[b]Life is depleting in value[/b]

I'm sick of stupid family the only person with value is my mother. My step father is just a big defensive child, who wants to stay home from work and do nothing, then get upset when anyone points it out to him maybe because of shame. Oh but no its because he is sick, maybe if he stop smoking so much he'd feel better all he wants to know is what we are eating tonight and if he isn't asking about food he is eating it and other then that hes complaining.
My sister is worthless dumb and idiotic and is a child also her and My step father  have a lot in common. My step father  said i was like him before but now looking at him if he ever said it again I'd cry and pray I'd never be like that, dependent on things to make me feel like i was alive. My sister only thinks about partying and shes quick to betray anyone and everyone just to get attention

I dislike myself for not being ignorant. For watching the world and becoming sick with dread of living because is that all it amounts to? I get mad over trivial things its dumb i hate myself for that too, its just something insignificant but i still get upset over it.  I wish to move away change my name meet people who never knew my face and leave those who did behind me, except my mother of course and maybe a few other people.

Sometimes i tihnk death is a good answer but then half way in between killing myself I'd hate myself even more for being a pussy bitch who can't deal, so i tihnk the best option is live miserably now but live and then strive later.
I've come to learn the people are a disappointment and you should never rely on anyone even if you tihnk you can trust them with your life.
[b]
People [/b]

People are really starting to irritate me to a big extreme. They are dumb idiotic things. They never say what they want, they pretend and say false things to fit into the norm. No one dares to be original or weird because other people might not like them. So! Who needs other people to like you for how you dress? They wouldn't be good friends at all.
People talking when they are told not to talk in class especially when a teacher is talking irritates me to no end. What is so important that it can't wait and that you must be disrespectful over? Hmm telling the person you got drunk of your ass yeah because thats worthy of a conversation.  We still act like animals i observe this all the time.  The giddy expression when doing something you know your not supposed to be doing its so animalistic and disgusting.
This one kid really annoys me and i get the pleasure of having him in 2 classes. He is ignorant. Dumb a loser to the human population dirt.  /He asked to get food and the teacher said after class I'll give you that muffin, and like 5 minutes before class was over he tried to get it. I mean come the fuck on 5 minutes! She said after class stop being an idiot. I wonder if his mother took drugs when she was pregnant.

I'll right more later i need to go carve a pumpkin 

In first period we got this assignment thats gonna be hard for me to do we have ot do our family tree and i don't know anything about my dad ugg and trace it back 4 generations and find out where i came from and find a recipe of their type of food, cook it and bring it to class ;~;!! and in 3rd period yay im going on another field trip Nov. 8th ( im going somewhere in German class on Nov. 11th the  orchestra )
We are going to see a play and eating at Spaghetti Warehouse. Well we get to do this because its an Honors class and her only honors class its American Drama, independent studies. D:
UG!!!! In lunch today i was walking with Syd-chan and JR.  And these black dudes were like treating me like a horse cause of my bunny ears on my jacket ( i need to take a piccy right ;~; ) and was like using them as lil reins or something. Anyhoos i moved their hands of of my hood and kept walking and they were like EH! EH! EH YOU EH! and i don't respond to that lol and he got next to me and was like :B are you wearing stockings :B ?and i laugh and say "no those are my legs" cause im so damn pale ;~~~; im to white /cry lol people confuse my legs for stockings D: ( i was wearing a knee length flowy skirt )  my sister told me to tan -_- but i worked hard for this pure white skin D:<

haha

omgsh rly im posting a journal entry O_O;;;;;! Anyhoo man graduation was today... for the seniors and i was sad ;~; im next omg and then i wil like be in the real world college and stuffs im scared dude im mean wow what AM I GONNA BE?!!?!?!?!!??!?!?!??!!?!?!!??!  arg scarey scarey bo bareyness ;~~~~; OMG august ( yeah august? ) teh new book in the twilight serires is coming out omg im so excited! I got 3 ppl to read that book lol um... sewing my costume isnt working out omg i cant figure out the sewing maching i need like help ;~~~~~~~; i got my skirt pattern cut out though. Well idk what else to write for now.. cya

I got DSL today >< finally its fast D: lol well 
i had a good day >< I read lots of Speaker of the dead i wanna finish lol and i just started ;~; its a good series so far the first book was Ender's Game :3 i read it after i was done testing last week and finished lol someone said i was going to be a doctor because of how much i read but i couldnt cut open someone eww Dx Wee i had fun in German >< And i talked more with someoen i hope to get a good friendship out of :3 ok anyways... i got a cookie today yay lol nothing is better than a cookie on a good day >W<! And then my friend bought me a coke and Joy visited :D!!!! now i might watch death note since i gots better internet i'll start now :D!


later betch ;X

Was really boring but what are you going to do. I fell asleep in Criminal Justice we were watching a movie about guns and i was bored. Well anyways in english class i didnt study and made a highe grade on my test than anyone xDD haha we are reading the Great Gatsby and this rude guy totally blurted out the ending which made me very upset because i was FINALLY enjoying the book.  IM SO ANNOYED!!! at this one girl who thinks shes so kick ass i mean please just because your a whore doesnt make you cool definatly if your open about it and everyone knows. I think shes full on lez if you ask me nothing wrong with lesbians except closet lesbians are sad sad people. I know i passed my physics exam im so happy yay new six weeks new subject more new math yay ( im so sarcastic right now) Beimer wasnt there which was totally awesome that means we got to study which is why i passed. Ive been trying not to be so shy its really annoying i should speak more often make more friends because im dwindling in numbers there just because everyone seems to get on my nerves sooner or later. 


Store: 

We went to the store to get food and i feel so bad for those poor lil lobsters locked up in the cage ready to be eatee ;~~;. I saw this guy it was sort of a highlight because he wasnt paying attention and he started dancing in the middle of the store like gangsta style and i think im the only one who saw :( Taco bell afterwards which was good and DP :D!! haha


German people:

I'd like to get to know our forgein exchange students better but im to shy to say anything expecially in german because i mean what if i sound totally stupid and American i'll die of embaressment ;~~; 


Dylan: 

It is going so so i just wish hed be more or a boyfriend. All he does is complain to me about how horrible i am. And i love him so muh expecially when we are laughing and getting along liek we should. I HATE argueing with him! He just needs to relax and chill and not take things to seriously itd be great ^__^!! 

well not much else to say i'll write tomorrow ima try to write everyday :D

Today was eventful. I went to school ( spring break is over ;~; ). Well it was ok.. I learned a few things today lol. Someone i know is gay very suprising to find this out actually... Then omfg i was in the hospital for like 4 hours. My moms sick something with her uterus. Anyways im annoyed and still have a headache. Stupid baby wouldnt shut up. I hate children. Ok well anyways i'll update tomorrow with if my moms illness is serious or not.

I want to see dir en grey

life is poo
i dont get to see dir en grey ;~; just because my mom >>
but i do have a sexi picture of my fiance i might post later he might be to sexi t o share >/////////

Rawr ;~; Im so bored. Nothing much has been going on but i feel like poo. Me and Dylan have been getting long greatly!!! Its so awesome >WW<. Now that i say that im sure it'll go wrong tonight or tomorrow. Well i was honest and told him how i was feeling lately maybe thats the reason n.n! Lol nothing more i guess to say.... I'll post something more intresting later i guess?


Amanda <3

Dylan purposed n.n 
I hope he is serious @ @ I like this idea a lot but hes so young i feel bad what if im stopping him from living ? Does he really want to be tied down forever? With me?  @@ This is a happy moment in my life i just hope its real and i dont wake up. Or he changes his mind later on. Before we have a chance ot meet. @ @ Maybe i shouldnt worry right? I should just be happy in the moment n.n
later <3

First, in my first period class this girl was trying to kill herself (in class) and this other girl tried to stop her and they got into a fight. 
Second, I did all my notecards in first and second  period and they werent due today because the techer was absent.
Third, third period was horrible it gave me a migrane and i want to kill 24 kids this African American guy will be the first v.v i held my head and Jason laughed at me and i said stfu you dont want to laugh at me right now. And the guy was like whoa shes psycho which started  everyone on me saying oh shes going to kill you and shit.
Fourth, coming from lunch this guy stepped on my shoe and i was like wtf? He started cussing at me so i cussed back and i told him to come on over to where i was im not afraid to fight a guy. 
Fith My sister, enough said.

Im anoyed today. To the major point v.v. I wish time would go by faster so i can get to the point when i know i'll be happy. I love Final Fantasy agian i got passed that really hard part >W<! kudos for me :3 Anyways my minds cloudy. But Lady fate will take care of me she hasnt forgotten her child.  I want to do a lot of things but im wrapped up in a security blanket of fear and just wont do them. In good time i will take the blnket off i just want to feel safe for a while. I have no idea what im goign to do with my lif. Its frightening. I think im meant for something great but its hard to tell anymore. I'd like to get more into my practice, but that too cost money and money i do not have. Blah ima eat chocolate and get over it ;~;

I need something to do. Something fun and adventurous. I hate not doing anything anymore how sucktaclular ;__;! Im going to be an adult soon and what have i accomplished in life so far that was beyond ordinary? I dont like being ordinary! i want to be free explore, laugh. Im going to go outside for once! Well after its stops raining >>;. 

Okey not more to say but everyone should try to live a little and stop being safe. If your safe your whole life your going to regret not being a little dangerous! 


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Oh GOD~ ! btw >> Final fantasy 12 is on my hate list ;__; i spent an hour in the dungeons no save points and i died while i was so close to getting out i am pissed ><;;;;;;;;;!!

but i do love it ;__; but for like 2 hours im hating it >>

<3333 

Ai